My "not complaining" complaining

I am not complaining. Okay, I am. So be warned - if you don't want to hear me complain, just stop reading now. :) I am lonely here. Really, really lonely. I do know this is where we are supposed to be - we've prayed about it and it is right - and its GREAT for Malo. He loves his job. He comes home from work happy. He hasn't come home from work happy in years. Spokane is actually pretty cool - its lots prettier than what I thought it would be like. There are lots of trees so the autumn colors are brilliant. There is water. I got to see my cousin from Saskatchewan who is going to college in Great Falls, Montanta (I haven't seen her since my dad died 4 years ago). Leif, Lurlyn and little Leify are coming next weekend. Malo's parents live an hour/hour and a half away. My mom and my brother and his adorable family live just a few hours away.

But I am lonely.

I am not unhappy here; like I said, its pretty cool. But I don't know anyone. I don't have any friends. I don't have anyone for my girls to play with. Yes, we're closer to our families, but they're still hours away. In Colorado, my sister was 45 minutes away and I saw her often. I miss her. My girls miss her. I miss my Colorado friends. I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone - heck, I didn't even tell some people I was moving. I miss the view from my back door - Cheyenne Mountain. I miss everything about Colorado. I miss walking around Quail Lake. I miss being in a ward where people know how special both of my children are - how they are both miracles in their own way. I miss Panera Bread. I miss Amanda's Fonda.

I hate starting over. I am slow making friends. I have always been blessed to find wonderful friends - but it takes me a little while. Ok, so I know I've only been here a few weeks, but still - I haven't made any friends yet. It makes me sad.

Luckily, I do have Aspen and Mia. And Malo. So its not really that bad. Its just been a hard day today. I miss my grandma. I could always call her if I just wanted/needed to chat with someone for awhile...or really with grandma, it was just listening to her. But still, it was a voice of love and I could always count on her for that. Yeah, I miss her. And I REALLY miss Carrie. I know I already said that, but I really do miss her. She always came up to the house on her 4 days and often on her days in between. We'd go down to her place (though not as often as we should've!). She was always there for important things - holidays, birthdays, just days when I needed her. Now she's alone in Colorado and I miss her. Aspen adores her and she loves Aspen and Mia so much - its just hard not having her close.

Ok, I'm done. I will be fine. Tomorrow my babies will wake up and we'll start a new day and it will all be okay. They bring so much meaning to my life - I love them both so much. Mia will coo and smile at me when she wakes up. Aspen will stand up in her crib and extend her arms for me to lift her up and we'll snuggle our morning snuggles and she'll have me read the same book to her over and over again. Then she'll want to climb on my lap when I'm nursing Mia and Mia will stop and look at Aspen and smile, Aspen will wave at Mia and then Mia will keep eating and Aspen will sit on my lap and want to touch Mia's nose and hold her hand. That is how all my mornings start. I love it. And sharing these precious moments with my precious daughters, I forget all my worries and loneliness. :)