Sad and sucky

So we have this little rental house (it was our first house and I loved it because it had this great little "hobbit room" that I used to go up in and scrapbook, etc.) and our friends had been renting it for a couple of years. Well, the hubby got a new job and they needed to move up closer to his work and so we've been paying two mortgages for a bit now....which consequently means that I have to work more than I want to (which isn't hard at all because I don't want to work at all....I want to be home with my Aspen). Today was especially hard because I normally will only accept short jobs when Malo can be home with Aspen or all day jobs if and only if my sister can stay with Aspen. Well. I accidentally took a job for today thinking it was a day my sister could watch her...and it wasn't. So...luckily two very dear friends took turns watching her today...one friend came over at 7:15am and watched her until 11:00am when my other friend came and picked her up and watched her until Malo could pick her up at 3pm. Sounds pretty ok, a little hectic, right, but reasonable.

Well, Aspen had other plans. I got up at 5am so I could make Malo's lunch, put together a diaper bag for my friend when she picked Aspen up, set out some clothes for the baby to wear , made up a bottle for her so she could quickly eat when she woke up and then hopped in the shower and attempted to get ready before Aspen woke up.

At 6:15 on the dot, I hear a screaming, so I go into her room and she is ready to get up...no big deal....until I pick her up and she has not only peed through her diaper and pajamas, but clear through the bedsheets. So I pick her up and lay her down to change her diaper.....and she has an explosive poopy diaper....all over....ALL OVER everything...including my clean work clothes I had just put on. So I am thinking this is a sign that I should NOT be working, but whatever, I've committed, I have to do it.

On to phase two, I quickly change into some more clean work clothes and feed her...not only does she take her sweet time eating, but she spits up on my 2nd shirt of the day....again, a sign I shouldn't be leaving her right?!?! Well, by this time, I haven't even brushed my hair yet and its slowly drying in wretched knots....but I need to finish feeding her....so I do and then I go change AGAIN and pull the brush through the mangled mess called my hair....and then its time to go.

So I leave for work, all the while hoping that my baby will be fine (knowing she will because I fully trust my friends who watched her) and feeling guilt that I am leaving her. So I am driving up I-25 putting my makeup on and bawling my eyes out....mascara running down my face as quickly as I can put it on while driving...it sucks. It really really sucks. I am not doing that again.

that's the end of my ranting and raving for today.